


Can't get you out of my mind, i solemnly swear that i'll never try

by Furcula



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Chibi Romano (Hetalia), Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-11 03:08:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12926034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Furcula/pseuds/Furcula
Summary: Sometimes it's hard to accept that some people care about you.Sometimes solace doesn't come from who you expected.Sometimes it's okay to be reminded that you are not alone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from 'west' by sleeping at last.

It's a nice summer afternoon and the sun is shining high in the sky. Romano let yet another tomato fall gently into his basket before weeping his forehead damp with sweat.

His arms are sore from picking the fruits (or are they vegetables? Who the fuck even cares??) He has been at it for a good hour and is already close to giving up.

An internal voice reminds him that spain can spend half a day working without ever stopping to catch his breath or to complain.

Romano feels weak, the sensation is too familiar to bother him very much, since he tends to feel that way every time he compares himself to anyone else.

He lowers back his head and sighs deeply. 'The sun is so bright today' he thinks. For some reason it reminds him of the time he was taken by the ottoman empire.

He guesses it was a clear day like this one.

He remembers gazing at the sky for the anoying bird he yelled at, he remembers the sudden feeling of loneliness, and the tall shadow of a man in red and white clothes, the mysterious smile on his face.

He remembers fear.   
How his thoughts seemed to run at incredible speed as soon as he touched the wooden floor of the foreign carriage he was thrown in.

He felt helpless, a feeling that hasn't left him ever since.

He remembers the loud bang of the bull on the carriage, the sound echoing in his mind as if it just happened.

Spain came back for him, his spain, who had looked like a joke next to the huge ottoman empire. He stood proudly and managed to bring him back safely, romano will never admit how grateful he felt at that moment.

When he was younger, he heard spain asking austria to swap italies. Why he saved him from the ottoman empire was beyond him. He had seen spain coming back late at night, bloody and wounded. He tried his best to clean up every wounds and gashes on his body. Spain waved him off, pretending he felt fine, he smiled at him. It didn't mean anything coming from spain, he smiled all the time. After all the mess he caused, spain went through all this trouble to keep him. Why? Why would he possibly do that?

The tears threatening to leave his eyes are what brings him back to the present.

Fuck, he has wandered off pretty far.

The sun must be getting to him.  
His throat is so dry he would kill for some-

"Water?"

Romano jumps before he recognize spain's voice.  
"Fuck! You scared the shit out of me!"

  
Spain laughs, bastard, fists resting on his hips and green eyes glittering in the sunlight. Spain hands Romano a bottle of cool water and he takes it without thanking the other. He looks down at the basket next the teen-looking italian.  
"Well what have we here! Cautiously harvested tomatoes!" He bends down and pick one, inspetcing it with a pleased expression on his face.  
"Good job, Lovi!"

"Stop being condescending." Romano saiys, annoyed.

"I'm not ! I'm proud of you!" Spain announces with a genuine kindness in his voice. Why does he always have to sound like that?? Why the fuck is he always so nice to him ??

Romano frowns, all the frustration he's been keeping bottled up for so long suddenly comes rushing to the surface and wHY THE HELL DID SPAIN KEEP HIM??

"What do you mean?"

"What?!"

"What do you mean by why did I keep you?" Spain asked again, confused. "Keep you from what?"

Oh shit, did he think out loud?? It feels like he can't keep up with his train of thought. It takes him some time to realise he is the one speaking again.   
"No- just .. keep me. When you found out how useless I am, why didn't you send me back? Or left me with the ottoman empire? Why did you keep me when you were already broke and didn't have the money to take care of yet another country ?"

Spain looks incredulous. His gaze is lost in romano's brown pupils as he wheezes softly. "As crazy as it might sound, I learned to care about you." He put his hands in the pockets of his trousers and shifts his weight." I'm your boss and I love you."

" pff perv."

"What? No, you misunderstand. It's not like that. Lovi. " He puts a hand on the italian's shoulder, bending down to try and catch his gaze."I love you for who you are."

"No you don't."

"But I do too."

"No, you bastard." Romano kicks a rock on the ground. "You only keep me 'cause I'm related to grandpa. You don't love me. You can't. ... No one does."

"... Lovi..... Why would you say that?" His voice is almost a whisper.

"Oh come on. Don't play dumb with me. You know it's true. I'm garbage, I can't do anything right and I'm fine with it, I don't need you, I don't need anyone."

"Stop that." Spain's tone is so firm that romano's head shoots back up.  
"Stop saying those things about yourself! You're not Bad at everything you do! Look! " He turns romano's attention toward the basket full of tomatos by putting both hands on his shoulders and stepping behind him.  
" You did a good job in the field today! I, for one, do care about you. And I'll say it again tomorrow and every day after that until it grows on you, if I have to." He carefully puts his arms around the smaller figure.   
"I know you don't like it when I touch you, but hugging you is the only way I know how to let you know how I love you. Sorry for that. I'll stop now-"

"No." Lovi says, gripping spain's arm.   
"Don't go."

 


	2. Please think about the mid 20's aesthetic while reading this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Romano is afraid to disappear. Toni thinks he isn't the one who can help him the most. But he knows a guy.

During the mid 20's, Romano makes his way to Spain's place and hears voices chatting behind the door before he opens it. Loud laughters are coming from the living room. He shuts the door and walks through the narrow corridor, he finds Spain and Prussia leaning against the table where two glasses sit with a bottle of wine. They are both smiling to one of Prussia's jokes and didn't notice the newcomer yet.  
"What's he doing here?" Romano says to (announce) himself.

Both heads turn toward him in surprise, still smiling.  
"What?" Prussia says. " We aren't allowed to spend some time with an old friend anymore?"

  Spain leaves the table to greet him by putting a hand on his back."Everything is fine, Lovi, I just invited him over so we could talk about some stuff. Gil, would you be a dear and go fetch another glass?"  
    
"I'm on it." The prussian left the room.

"You didn't ask if I wanted him here." Romano mumbled.

"Well, last time I checked, you do not live here either, you're just a regular visitor, at this point. Not that I mind, of course." His hand brushes up from where it was resting on romano's back to his shoulder. Romano would have minded if this small mark of affection had been given by anyone else but spain. He does not like to be touched. However, he did spend a major part of his life with spain who tends to be very affectionate toward the people he feels emotionally close to.  
  "Actually, I figured you two could talk..."

  "About?"

"* _clears throat_ * well, don't get mad ok? But I've noticed you've been quite concerned recently....." Spain wouldn't look him in the eyes ." With.... What you might become-"

Romano steps away from him, frowning.    
  "Oh no you didn't-" He can't believe that Spain had told someone else about his worst insecurities.

  "Lovi, please." Spain extends his arm in front of him with his palms facing up as if he had to deal with a wild animal.  
" I don't mean that I believe you will ever-... You know... But I just thought that if you talked to him, he'd be able to reassure you, and that if it ever happened to you, it might not ne as bad as you think."

  "...... This is ridiculous. I'll just go." Romano takes a few steps toward the door before spain grabs his wrist.   
  
  "Lovi, I just want you to stop being to scared. Would you just try? For me? Please?"

  "Am I interrupting something?" Gilbert's attempt at catching the attention of the two goes unnoticed. Instead, both countries keep holding eye contact until romano speaks.

"Alright, let's get it out of the way, before I change my mind."

.....

 

  "so..."

  "So.." Romano repeats, smoking on the balcony with the Prussian.

"You want to know more about Prussia's great history, Huh?" He says with a trademark smirk that seems to never waver.

  "Oh fuck no."

Gilbert laughs."Come on kid, there is nothing to be ashamed of-"  
  
"I'm not a fucking kid" romano's can't help interrupting.

"-everyone is amazed by my great history, from when I was still a country that is."  
  
"Please stop talking."  
  
"The first few decades after were kinda hard." Gilbert's gaze wanders amelessly in the darkness in a way that dramatises the scene so much it becomes comical while romano pretends not to listen.  
  
  
"But nothing is impossible for the most awesome country the World has ever hosted!"

"Urgh" romano lets his head fall down between his shoulders.

It makes Gilbert laugh again.  
" And it's not like they take away your life. Just your purpose. "  
He paused for a moment.   
"After I disappeared, I could still hang out with my friends, visit west, drink, laugh, get engaged.  * _Sigh_ * yeah... It wasn't a piece of cake to deal with but I managed." He looked toward Romano.  
" I'm sure you would too. "  
  
" You got engaged." Romano only asked.  
  
" Yes"  
  
" To a mortal? Are you a mortal too now?"

Gilbert shifted his weight from one foot to the other.  
" No, not a mortal, one of us-... one of you. A wonderful young man whom perhaps I would have never talked to if I were still a country. But I'm not mortal, to answer your question, you don't become mortal After that... I mean I'm not sure, maybe it's just me.Moreover, we still see your grandpa from time to time, I have no idea what he does with the rest of his time though. Some say he's in heaven, and only comes to visit us sometimes. I know I wanted to stay, I want to keep on living. I think, maybe you have a choice, for once. You have the choice to do whatever you want with your life, or to give it all up. But I've got stuff to do here. All the people I care about are here. So you won't get rid of me that easily. "

He looks over to romano who stayed quiet for the entire speech, his gaze seems far away and he has a sad expression on his face. He is leaning both elbows on the stone and his bowed figure has a sort of effortless elegance to it that prussia knows romano is unaware of. In many ways, Romano's more of a stranger to himself Ryan anyone else.

"Doesn't it sound nice? To have the choice? To be whoever you want?" Gilbert asks.

Romano keeps looking straight ahead at the darkness. "I don't know who I am. I don't know if I'm even good at anything." His voice is almost a whisper, as if hé isn't even aware that he is speaking. And sure enough, a few seconds later he shakes his head and groans." Why am I even saying this to you? Shut up! Forget I said anything."

"Hey hey, buddy" Gilbert puts up his hands in a sign of surrender. "I'm not here to judge, Inknow you'd rather talk to Spain about it-"

Romano shoots him a glare.

"-or not... But I get it. It's not easy to deal with. I was scarred too." Prussia looks down at this moment. A long silence ensues. Both men realise how deep the conversation has got and suddenly feel weird about it. Prussia talks again. "Well, this is awkward, how about we forget that this ever happened?"

"Agreed." Romano clears his throat.

"Toni, I think I'm gonna go now! It was nice to see you!" Prussia says as he walks back inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't even read it twice before posting it'

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed ! There might be some smut in the third chapter... Who knows...


End file.
